I woke up today from a dream about shoes and dresses and outfits and it hits me, I really am a girl. Maybe it’s time I admitted it.

I’ve fought with this side of my personality ever since I could remember, chopping off my hair to a length that had people looking at my picture and declaring me a boy (True story: My mom brought a picture of me and my siblings to work and a colleague asked if she had two boys:[she has two girls and one boy]). I wore  shirts and sneakers in high school, with my only selling out point was growing out my hair and vowing to never cut it that short again as to not be mistaken as a dude again.

True I had dresses and heels and could walk in them fine. College saw a turning point, when, during the party for my eighteenth birthday, the friends that knew me from first grade sold me out and said that I actually put makeup on sometimes. College was spent in high heels and teeny bags that could fit only a notebook and my wallet, as it was the only way to express oneself outside the uniform. My hair grew to waist length. I actually had a compact in my bag (that I hid. very well.) Although oftentimes outside the uniform it was still the shirt+sneakers combination that got me through four years of commuting to my school.

Out of school and not used to dressing without a uniform started the foray into a larger world of “outfits”. From my staple shirts, pants and sneakers, I forayed into other, more girl inspired ensembles mostly influenced by seeing my friend and teammate Sarah come in to work in a different “look” everyday. She was (and still is from what I see in photos) very put together but still very casual. I loved the fact that she could still move, walk, commute and do all the things she needed to do while looking very interesting every day. She is still one of my favorite fashion inspirations, and friend to boot.

I actually read blogs that feature makeup styles, and check out lookbooks sometimes. Even had my hair permed last year. Now I mostly go to modcloth.com to look at the pretty vintage inspired dresses and outfits. I have a friend that is a professional makeup artist that I go to ask when I need makeup advice. My token favorite girly store is Promod for flowy fabrics and delicious prints. And even though I’m still found in my staples of shirts, pants and sneaks most of the time, I sometimes get my mom’s advice to push my fashion envelope and go the extra mile in dressing up.

I am not really a girly girl, but I’m not just a tough tomboy-ish girl anymore.

Yesterday was the first anniversary of my grandma’s passing, and we went to the province for the ceremonial “babang-luksa”. This means roughly moving on from the one year of mourning since her death, and it was marked, as most Filipino occasions are done, with prayer, food and relatives.

As much as I have said bad things about my grandmother over the years and I admit it, I knew she loved us as only she could, with what she knew to do. She always made sure we had the best of everything. She taught us the value of hard work. She showed us, in the end how crippling it can be when people that don’t need you anymore leave you in the dust.

She was my grandmother, and I know she’s better off where she is, with my ninong and lolo.

After we went to the ceremony to pray at her grave, my pops told us a story, and I swear it’ll be etched in my mind forever.

It turns out, my lolo (who I’ve never met because he died before my parents even got together) loved to garden. He would go to my aunt’s house and plant every single day, and bring home a handful of champaca (small white flowers that would fill a room with their scent) to put in her hair. See, I always associated champacas with my grandmother, she always smelled of them. When she died we had a choice of roses or champaca to put in her tomb and I chose the champaca because it felt more like her.

I’m glad to know that the signature scent of lola was given to her by my lolo. And i’m hoping that maybe, he’s now handing her a handful of champaca when they see each other every day.

Five years ago, if you told me I would be eschewing my Coke and cake for macarons and mint tea, I would have bonked you on the head and told you that you were nuts. I am a sweets girl, and I figure anything goes perfect with coke and cake, but here I am, having teas and these delicate little things that melt in my mouth.

I think I’m growing up. I gave up coffee for tea on taste preference (never mind that after I drink coffee I feel heavy and hot), sipping on jasmine or chamomile or simply green tea with brown rice after a heavy meal. Don’t get me wrong, I still think Coke is the most perfect drink in the world, but I don’t drink it as often, and we don’t stock it in the house as much anymore.

Also, truthfully the first time I tried macarons after weeks of debate and a lot of research, I thought “That’s it?”, but now I do think they’re one of the most sublime things I have ever put in my mouth. Suffice to say I have only tried our Filipino versions of the original french pastry, what if I get to wrap my lips around the real thing? Melt in your mouth, airy, delicately sweet, the macaron is I think, definitively a delicacy. Or, as I made up in my mind the word to describe as meaning delicate and delicious.

I think I’m growing up in terms of food choices, last Sunday I chose to buy bread pudding instead of chocolate cake when I had the choice of one or the other.

Although, I am finding myself in the search for the perfect brazo de mercedes (not frozen, just the regular brazo) after a few weeks of buying a slice from Banchetto.

But I’m rambling. I do believe I’m expanding my taste buds as an adult. Hopefully they don’t grow old on me.

For years, I have spent my life, time and effort trying to set myself apart. Adolescent years of “not wanting to become part of the mold” have made my favorite phrase “a walking contradiction”. I’ve ditched normal wants and needs, cultivating my “life on the outside looking on the inside just to realize that now, 25 years of age, I am part of the normal. I am an everyday girl.

And I kinda like that.

I am not the richest, the most beautiful, the “one with the body”. I am not the girl with an attitude, or fantastic drawing skills, or can sing the hell out of that Mariah Carey song with my 7 octave range.

Truthfully, I am one of the crowd. Years of hanging out with gorgeous girls with legs that go on for days, or have a rack that is insane has taught me to blend in. I am not saying I’m ugly,  I’ve been told I clean up okay.

I cannot spend like a king because I am a commoner. I work for the stuff that I accumulate, and as my parents told me, if I want something, I have to spend for it. I work for a living and it has taught me to value what I earn, because I worked for it.

I cannot draw, play a musical instrument, and my hobbies are negligible. My passions range from food to friends, things that make me happy, but don’t really “make an impact”. No award winning skills have me on newspapers or television screens as part of news coverage on a “Filipino Making a Difference”.

Yes, when I hear about some friends cruising by on their looks, or their parents money or something or the other to really make people gasp or applaud in awe, I do sometimes feel stabs of envy. But when I realize what comes with enormous wealth, or notoriety, or fame, I glance back at my life and realize how lucky I have it.

So I may not be the girl that everyone gawps at because of my stunning looks, or marvels at my brain powers, or wishes their lifestyle could emulate for the spending capacity. I actually like the “normal” milestones now.

Things like introducing a significant other to the family then having my aunts and uncles look for him when he couldn’t attend a family gathering makes me giddy. Being able to buy the shoes i want just because I want them gives me a rush sometimes when I realize how much I had to save before because I was limited to my allowance. Cooking that perfect batch of pasta that I can’t get quite right because I was too ADHD to keep my eye on things before they burnt, now come easy.

Life is good. This everyday girl is finally happy with her lot.

I still remember the first time I tried uni sashimi. The sister and I were at Teriyaki Boy Gateway and we were curious about this new item on the menu only labeled Uni. When we asked what it was and ordered it from the restaurant manager, he stammered “Sigurado kayo Ma’am?” (“Are you sure?”). We told him we were and off we ordered.

In the ocean, it appears as a black sphere covered in long spikes (As found here).It’s the thing boatmen tell you to avoid stepping on as each of these spikes contain poison, which commonly are treated by peeing on the affected area. Yes guys, it’s the dreaded sea urchin (if you’ve ever gone to Coron in Palawan, you’ll know what I mean. Those buggers were everywhere we went).

Its appearance can even out of the shell can be intimidating, just lumps of beige things that looked like sand. We were given plenty of calamansi to dip it in before our kikkoman+wasabi combo. After my first gulp, I remember saying it tasted like you licked the bottom of a boat.

Now it’s one of my favorite things to order in a Japanese place. The picture above is a bowl of Unidon from Omakase, a bowl of sushi rice laden with a generous offering of uni, with some pickled ginger on the side. Roughly around P350, it’s fairly inexpensive and sure to satiate your uni craving. I highly recommend you order uni with something else, as its rich flavor can overwhelm your taste buds after a while, as it does mine. I always share a bowl with the sister so I know I can finish it. For an even cheaper version that is no less delicious, go to the nearest Tok-yu, those cheap sushi bars you see at the weirdest places (I go to the one in Pioneer center) and order an uni sashimi, plus an order of sushi rice. It will set you back about 170, half of what it costs in Oma, but don’t expect surroundings as nice as Oma, as these places aren’t known for their ambience. 🙂

What can I say to describe it now? I don’t know if I’ve stumbled on to cleaner, richer varieties of uni, but recently, it tastes more like a buttery, grainy taste of the ocean. I can now eat it without the dip in calamansi, or even Kikkoman and wasabi.

While most people I’ve offered this to have said “No, thank you”, or yes only to regret it moments after, you my dear reader I urge to try this if you love the taste of sashimi. It can totally make your day, even your week.

The Boracay island shore. I may never get tired of its cool, crystal clear water, its fine white sand. With the onset of all kinds of cuisine and an accommodation for every budget, every type of vacation, I hope the beach maintains its beauty.

I love the beach, and this beach in particular coz it’s easy. It’s right there, you don’t have to get into a van to travel to see it. Everything you want is right there. If you want quiet, go to one of the upscale resorts and get all the privacy you need.

Although, this isn’t the only beach I love.

I don’t know, for me, travel without the possibility of taking a dip in the ocean just seems incomplete. But that’s just me.