Okay, I admit it. I am a sap. I am an annoyingly saccharine creature when I’m happy. And today I am happy. I am letting all the other things fall away. Stress. Politics. Underhanded schemes and crazy news.

I am letting it go.

At this moment, I will lose myself in the dastardly delicious romantic music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Notably, one of the songs that I think, defines romance for me. “All I Ask of You”. I cannot pretend to know the context as I have not watched, read, or listened to the whole soundtrack of Phantom of the Opera, so as far as I know, this could be a creepy, codependent ode to a creep that lives under a theater.

I don’t care.

The swell of those strings. The romantic beat of the drums as they usher in the lyrics. The simplicity of saying “Love me, that’s all I ask of you.” I know that will never happen. Nobody will just ever ask to just be loved. In fact, this song asks for a lot. Every waking moment, talk of summertime, being that person’s shelter.

I’d like to pretend that in this moment, that’s all that we need. Sing it with me.

 

“I’m going to paraphrase Thoreau here… rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth. ”
― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

I can sit here spouting all these quotes about truth. It hurts. We are never really prepared for the bad, and too giddy at the good. People say to give them the truth, but who is really prepared for it?

I would like to think that I am. Because it takes too much effort to lie. Because I’ve been lied to too often, and by the people who should never lie to you and about the things that matter.

So give me the truth. I might ask for a little honey with mine, but never change things out with a lie. I’m a big girl (Haha, I know) and I can handle it.

 

 

I have been an Ally Mcbeal fan since forever. It is neurotic. It is selfish. It created a whole culture of body shaming and disorders due to the unreal skinny stars on the show.

But that is not my point. My point is that it has the sexiest singing I have ever seen anywhere, and with the hottest men on earth.

Did you know that Robert Downey Jr. sings? And that he sang on the show with Sting? (And held his own if I might add)

I will post about that another time though, because the hidden gem in this show, and the voice that will make any girl’s knees weak is Jesse L. Martin’s. A Broadway actor who was in the original cast of Rent, guest starred in the show and pulled off this performance of “Love Me”

I highly suggest you prepare a cold drink of water because after seeing this, you might need a drink.

Why didn’t Ally end up with this man again?

I wanted to after this song.

Happy Monday ladies.

What I’ve been thinking about today was the culture of public shaming we Filipinos tend to have. I don’t think people realize they do it sometimes, but the thing about a culture being able to “laugh all things off” also can tend to spout a culture of tactlessness and hidden hurt. I get it a lot now. I have admittedly gained weight, being the heaviest I have ever been in my life, and comments of “Neng, antaba mo ngayon ah!” (Sweetie, you’re so fat now!) or “Laki ah!” (You’re so big!) are common when I see people nowadays.

Sometimes it hurts, even if it’s true. I like that people are comfortable enough with me to honestly tell me what they see, but having it done in front of other people I hardly know, or strangers can sting a bit. And it’s not just weight. I’ve seen a friend who has been happily married for 7 years post about their anniversary, and then get a comment from an aunt saying “O, asan na kids? Di ka na bata!” (Where are the kids? You’re not getting any younger) or another get a Facebook wall post that said “Single pa rin? Lumabas ka kasi!” (Still single? Go out and mingle!) It’s a sickness, and I think today, we should think about turning that negativity around and comment on what the person actually has instead of what the person is missing.

I understand about wanting to be honest, and being frank about what you think, and it helps people stay grounded, but keep a balance. Criticize in private and praise in public. If you’re concerned about a friend’s choices in health, boyfriend, career, make a date to discuss it over coffee. If they’re going about their life in a different path than you might have taken, take the time to understand it with them. Tearing down someone’s happiness won’t put you any higher on the scale, it just makes you a nego-eggo.

 

I think you look great today. Your link about that how-to really helped me this week. That resto recommendation really worked out well for us! Thank you. These are some things I’m going to be saying more often, and I hope you find the positive in somebody today too.

My heart is bound to you, I have never felt so free.

Growing up, I was always surrounded by beauties. I was “the friend”, the approachable one that was nice and easy to talk to, while my friends were the girls that the guys salivated over. Countless hours have been spent providing advice for men who had unfortunately fallen for my emotionally unavailable friends, or looking for something else. During Valentines’ day at school, while a few of my friends were peppered with presents, I was the one giving present advice the day before, and the one helping the friends carry them home.

I’m not complaining. Beauty is a gift. This incredible power that people hold and may not know how to use. Some friends (who shall remain nameless) have had skewed, crazy dealings with men because of this. Through the friends that had more attention, I learned about the travails of STDs, pregnancy scares, married men. I have never had to treat “something I picked up” or had to go to my parents crying and saying that I made a mistake and was carrying my boyfriend’s baby at 16.

I was a potato. And a happy one at that. I have guy friends that I’ve gained, and would never have had if they treated me off the bat as a trophy, or a girl they wanted to screw. Conversations were more honest because nobody was trying to impress me much. I got to know so many personalities, gone through so many of my own, that would have been difficult under the spotlight, or the rumor mill, that really basically focused on the popular/and or the pretty.

That is to say I know I have made of mistakes of my own. Growing up, we all do. Picked the wrong men to have years of crushes on. Wasted my first kiss. Accepted things I didn’t deserve. I’m still forever awkward. In fact, last night, while watching the musical I love most in the world, my dress’s zipper burst just as the token song was on its climax, causing me to snicker instead of crying in happiness because, maybe, just maybe, God is telling me to shed a bit of weight.

I have kind of gone off tangent and not really made a clear point. Maybe that I just want to thank my friends for absorbing all the spotlight and helped me realize things through what they’ve been through. For what God gave me because my experience is thoroughly based on the things I was born (and not born) with.

I’d also like to send out a shout out to my fellow awkward girls. Coz we know how lucky we are.