From where we’ve been

Too many times, we focus on our pain. What we’ve been through, what it took to get here. What it took for us to survive. Rarely do we remember the people whose pain we’ve caused, directly or indirectly. The people who we’ve forgotten about because we were all too busy thinking about ourselves.

So today I want to apologize for the people I’ve hurt in the past with my actions, directly or indirectly. I have not behaved well in the past, and I’ve stepped on some feelings that I thought in my previous logic, was better for them in the long run. I’ve been a jerk, a d*ck even when it comes to people letting me know their feelings (in the past). I don’t handle it well. I’m not very good at confrontation, and for me, that is one of the most uncomfortable things one can go through, because I’ve been at the other end of that, and it really can be thoroughly humiliating (You’d think knowing that I would have been nicer, but I wasn’t).

I’ve not behaved completely scrupulously in the past, a fact that does not escape me, and still bothers me. I have behaved badly, unsure if what I was doing was affecting other people, and too in it, lazy, or scared to check. Deep down, I felt some things were off, but at the times, I was too insensitive, uncaring, chalking it up to youth, and thinking that we only live once.

But now I do.

And I apologize. I am sorry for what my actions has caused others. I know life is now where it needs to be and it took a lot of tears, sweat and screaming matches to get there. It’s been quite a ride, and it’s not over yet, but before we slow down, I’d like to brake before I break any more bones or bruise any more cheeks.

I am a different person from who I was years ago, even a month ago and I’m learning more and more about how things affect one another, and I hope that somehow, this universe will heal more of itself, and have less of the negative, hurtful things that it has been dealing with all these years. Because really, haven’t we hurt each other enough already?

Who have you hurt in the past that you want to apologize to?