Cheese · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

Can I keep you?

Lately I’ve been thinking about loss. With my sister and a friend going to wakes one day after the other, another terrible number up on this year’s wake count, I cannot help but think of who we can keep.

Honestly, I am quite lucky, my parents are both here and generally healthy (I say generally because they are not perfectly there but that’s another conversation entirely). I got time with both grandmothers and one grandfather. My mom’s siblings are all thriving. Cousins are intact and can be direct messaged or sent embarassing videos at any time. Friends who’ve stayed are those who are amazing (and even saw me through my worst when I just wasn’t there for anyone and was just surviving).

But what happens when the loss is unavoidable? A death. A choice. A fight so big it breaks the whole thing. Waking up one day realizing you had nothing in common. It’s inevitable, unavoidable.

Clearly I cling. Some of my closest friends are one that I’ve loved since I was 5 years old. Decades of weirdness, thousands of miles apart, misunderstandings, horribly embarrassing formative years.

And it’s not just them. Some people I’ve met I just want to keep forever. A month ago, a friend I made a year ago basically asked me if she could keep me and I didn’t hesitate. Good women, good men, amazing friends. I’ve been blessed to be surrounded with people that love and support me through something as big as a cancelled wedding to something as small as terribly applied makeup right before we went out in public in her hometown.

So when I ask to keep you, know that I mean it, and I will do my best to deserve to keep my place in your life. Also know you can tell me if I’m doing it the wrong way and you want to run in the other direction. My heart is patched up and perhaps defensive but it has the best intentions. And I intend to keep those who are in it to stay.

Jodythinks

I think you should listen to Timbaland’s “Undertow” today

Sometimes you just need to let things out, and this song just feels so cathartic. For me it sounds like the last legs of a relationship. When they both know it’s bound to end, but they want to hold on, but circumstances are too much for them to survive.

It romanticizes the end. Most times it’s just fucked up you know? And sometimes, the circumstances are real. No amount of romanticism can overcome timing and compatibility. Some people choose to hold on, some let go.

The lyrics that hit me the most are:

I don’t want to cry, every time we try, it never fails
We change the illusion, whenever you go and set the sail
My heart’s in your hand, don’t you go hurt me again
All we got is one chance and it’s sink or swim

You can listen to the song here: https://youtu.be/JHCxrynMUMk

What song are you listening to right now?

Jodythinks

To Mental Health

My version of day to day mental health. Books and fairy lights.

There are so many days now that celebrate so many things that I feel bombarded with all these excuses to buy this thing or have that other thing. A lot of it is mostly marketing drivel, driving more sales to one or the other. However today apparently is World Mental Health Day, and that is something I can definitely find cause to ger behind.

It’s very important to take your mental health seriously. Some people like to brush away anything that they can’t attribute to a physical issue, and that is something we should not brush aside anymore. Suicide rates are going up. What used to be an every ten or 25 year thing of reunions, are now an everyday comparison of how your life stacks up to others in your circles. Social media is kicking up awareness that we might be better off not knowing because they stress us out to getting more or less, or thinking we’ll never stack up.

I’ve had to take myself quite seriously this year. Things happened and my life could no longer be ignored or swept under the rug. Circumstances were forced for me to reevaluate what’s important and for me, and with very thinly veiled suggestions, to talk to someone outside my circle professionally.

It helped. If not to hear their understanding of (what obviously is just my side of the conversation) and what it means to move forward, getting the a-ok from a professional that my life is nothing to sneer at. That even in the lows I still have more to be thankful for than I realized. I couldn’t have gotten there surely using my conventional methods, and believing it took a while, but the steps I took to be there, ultimately, saved me.

So do yourself a favor and reevaluate. Put your mental health as a priority. Don’t just say that it will pass and take yourself out of your list of things to take care of.

Because if you don’t take care of yourself, who will?

Jodythinks

To heroism

This photo was taken at the Mt. Samat Shrine in Bataan. It’s a huge reminder that war is messy and has horrific consequences. Let’s remind ourselves of that and never forget that in all wars, lives are lost. May we never see another world war because this time around, one missile can wipe out a continent and its surrounding areas ruined for generations to come.

Let’s be grateful we still live in a time where we can choose our leaders, speak our mind and decide on our fates on our own.

Jodythinks

In defense of Marthas

Growing up Catholic, the stories of my childhood are often peppered with Bible passages. One of the ones I never really understood was the story of Martha and Mary.

Long story short, Jesus Christ comes over Mary and Martha’s house, and the two sisters welcome him quite differently. Martha goes about preparing all the food while Mary sits at the feet of Jesus, listening to him and his teachings. Martha, getting frustrated at doing all work, goes to Jesus and tells him to ask Mary to help with the food. At which point Jesus goes and tells her off that Mary chose the better thing which is to be with him.

The normal interpretation to this was as Jesus telling her that the earthly preparation is secondary (chores) but the spiritual one (being with him) takes priority. This has always confused me, as I thought, if she didn’t do the prep, who would? It’s not like they had a maid who could take over so they can both sit at his feet while they all go hungry.

I guess it’s just the Martha in me who feels a bit offended that the person doing the grunt work is seen as less than the person out there, enjoying the company.

What if that’s how you show your love, all Martha-like by making sure the people around you are well fed, enjoy themselves? What if you’re not the most comfortable showing affection or know the right words to say? But you make the effort to be there and listen, does that make you less of a loving person?

I see it more often now in today’s world, of social media and “proof” of affection that those who are outwardly affectionate and do grand gestures are the ones being praised for their “ability to love”. It doesn’t take into account those who love quietly and support without fanfare.

I believe in the Marthas and hope they get more credit. Parents who stay at home and do all the chores never get thanked for the small things that pile up after a while. It’s a thankless job being a stay at home parent.

Honestly, I find myself being more of a Martha than a Mary most days. I’m not the most vocal or grand gesture-like, but I do my best to be there and do the work. I cook for people to make them happy, and most times, if you mention something you like that I can get for you, I will make the effort to get it.

So hug your Martha today, you never know if they need it.