I’ve been having trouble sleeping. These days, I can’t sleep for more than 2 hours straight. My head is overfilled and at the same time feels like it’s been drained of any sense whatsoever. I have been dealing with this with song, songs too old to even make sense, and some that have already been through this with me. Early 2000 hits that somehow, are hitting the nail on the head too much sometimes, from Keane, to John Mayer, to Urbandub’s angstiest hits. I can’t exactly call myself angsty, or pensive, or anything like that. I think, I will let other, more eloquent people put it better, and say unsteady.…

It’s Christmas day now, and some of us are still sleepy, some of us are hungover, some of us have gone back to the realities of adulthood. I am lying down and can’t turn my mind off, even if I only got 4 hours of sleep. Last night, we could hardly fit in the living room and again, we got super noisy during the raffle. There are more and more gifts to be gotten and given as new families join in, and the kids who now have jobs are continuing the tradition of giving out their own gifts. As usual we ate too much all day. I didn’t feel hunger…

After a bad start, I found a bright spot to a difficult day. Wading in the middle of bad vibes and guilt trips has had me feeling itchy due to stress induced allergies, and I have been chasing a high that is still eluding me. But today I am grateful. After receiving a note of thanks that felt really sincere, all the other bs that came with it was much less a weight on my shoulders. It really does change a mood, reading good things. I should remind myself more often of the good people out there and to surround myself with them not just personally but anywhere I need…

While it is not my first time in Hanoi, I found what I think is the best view to be had in my last visit. On a rooftop bar, with not so nice staff but the best view in the city, a quiet refuge from the business below. I must come back to it, but for now, I’ll keep thinking of the serenity of the moment, sitting down, enjoying the lit up lake. What’s your favorite view in a city you’ve been to?

I cannot stress enough how much real hugs, the one that take your breath away, help me on so many levels. In as much as I identify with being introverted, and introverted being not one to be the first to introduce myself, or share stories off the bat, and like crowds a whole lot, I do enjoy being with the people I love. And a lot of that, I realized again last night, is getting these not fake hugs that encircle and make me feel safe. The ones that hold on even after the cursory 2 seconds. I got a lot of these last night, and as I am not…

For the people that have been broken, torn, bruised and are still out there, I applaud you. I’ve been extra weepy these days, and I don’t know if it’s being sick, or all these decade wrap ups I’ve been reading. Really makes you think, 2010-2020, what have I done, who have I hurt, who has hurt me? What pain is there in store? But as always, I digress. For those who still wants the pain that love can bring, I think you should listen to Elton John’s “I Want Love” today. Besides the fact that the video has Robert Downey in what I think is his extra handsome phase (And…

Dear Nanay, I’ve brought out and worn my reds, and it feels a little bit like I’m leaving you behind. The normalcy of having all my colors is a bit disappointing. I read this week that grief never ends, and I want to agree. There are days when it’s harder, and some days when it’s easier, but grief is grief any way you cut it. Christmas, our second one without you is coming up. I miss you not singing at mass. I miss your sassiness. I have so much regrets not being able to take on your recipes in the kitchen. But I guess this isn’t what you raises us…

Another day, another loved one that you just want to absorb all the bad stuff for. I hear the term “I’m done” too often for my liking. While I try to talk to the loved one about the ship that’s hit the fan, I will try to recalibrate my head too and this song by Fergie has been helping me since I heard it. A lot of promises, broken things that were saidAnd I can’t get out of this bedGot bruises on my heart, plenty scars on my mindGot blisters under the band-aid over my lifeGonna rip it open and show the world what’s there I’m here and it’s still…

There are a lot of things on my brain lately, trying to find meaning in things that don’t quite make sense to me. It’s been a long road to get to where I am today, but it just feels like I’m going in circles most days. Can you tell me when this ride is going to stop? I want to know how it ends. Is my life just supposed to be an endless parade of hard things before it ends, or are these signs trying to tell me something? I have strayed from the path rightly travelled by other people my age. So far so that the maps stopped long…