And now the pain stings a bit more.
I guess my wounds are open
Month: April 2023
What made me happy, April 17, 2023
Status report: Increasingly frequent hives situationhas me reaching for the antihistamine more often than i’d like to admit. Thankfully a few natural remedies shared by a friend are working. Insomnia is also being inconvenient, but hey maybe it’s more excitement to wake up than anything?
Happy bits of the week:
1. Surprises. I an a sucker for a good surprise, and I got a few for my birthday. I was dreading the birthday, I really was. A friend offered to make dinner for the group, but was met with silence and/or no’s. I get it, people have lives, and they have their own stuff to deal with, but people get tired too you know? So when another friend organized a dinner, I got surprise flowers, congee and a cookbook, AND had a really fun day that I wasn’t expecting, it really made me grateful. For people who just show up. Even with their own shit in play. Because as mych as I hate to admit it, I do love birthdays. Maybe it’s the middle child thing. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t want to think about that right now. But suffice to say, the people that showed up, if you’re reading this, thank you. You made an anticipatedly shitty day, much less shitty.
2. Laughing way too much at silly things. When I hang out with friends from kindergarten, I have a tendency to behave a lot more towards that age than my current. The short attention span, the lame jokes, the laughing on the side (oh wait, that’s kind of me 24/7). I love hanging out with these girls i’ve known forever, knowing I don’t need to do anything or be anything outside of the person who they saw grow up from 5 years old to present. And we laugh a lot. Like a lot. And that makes me happy.
3. A zero fs friendship. In a world full of people trying to preserve an image, or be overly polite, or just plain uncomfortable, I am grateful to have a friend that is completely no filter. Any question answered. All curiosities explained. It helps me learn a lot — and I’m naturally curious about everything. Especially when people come from a different perspective. I feel like I learn something new on a regular basis. And that makes me feel a bit more engaged in a very isolated environment. And i’ll forever be grateful for the weirdness.
-J
Songs of the week:
Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift
Snap by Rosa Linn
Love Lockdown by Kanye West
Sad Forever by Lauv
Modern Loneliness by Lauv
37.
I’ll get there.
Things that made me happy, April 11, 2023
Status report: Hives still keep happening, and my lower back hurts even with regular massages for Tita’s Hedonist Day Out. I need to figure this out.
What made me happy last week:
1. Family time. I don’t see my extended family a lot, especially since the move. This holy week holiday is one of those times we can see each other, be less worried about our day to day. I love sitting with my cousins, uncles and aunts, simply being around them. I don’t contribute a lot, and it seems like sometimes I’m closed off, but it’s just me being overstimulated sometimes. I wish I could be more present or more conversational, but I’m limited. Even more now that I’m used to being in my own space. One thing i know for sure, their presence makes me feel content, happy. The other things, I will work on so they enjoy my presence as much as I do theirs.
2. Puppy time. There are two litters of puppies we got to hang out with this weekend. Six shih tzus, and two belgian malinois ones. I missed puppies since we haven’t had puppies in years, and these ones are pretty dang cute. They’re all spoken for, and are going to good, caring homes. I’m glad I got to meet them and got some puppy kisses.
3. A friend going through the same journey. My health issues as of the late aren’t a secret. High blood pressure on top of my previously identified issues is the cherry on top of an already difficult health status is a hell of a thing to go through. I’ve been quite lucky to have family that’s extra supportive. Driving me to appointments, checking in. I can’t ask for anything more really. However I do have a friend that has been incredibly supportive, and is going through it as well. It has made all the work I have to do much less burdensome.
Songs of the week:
Tokyo Drift by the Teriyaki Boyz
Talking to Myself by Lauv
Work Song by Hozier
-J
Things that made me happy, April 3, 2023
Status report: I seem to have managed blood pressure through medication, a better sleep schedule, and forcing myself to eat better. Allergies are still bad, and I have had more than normal evenings with insomnia. It’s like my body is gearing up for bad news. Let’s hope it’s wrong.
There are a few happy things I am deeply grateful for though this past week
1. Simple afternoon snackies. With my schedule being a lot more manageable, I am able to actually have some normalcy with the rest of my people and enjoy late afternoon snackies. Sure there are a lot more options fot temptation, but it’s also much more cost effective and homemade, versus fastfood takeout.
2. Calm down phone calls. Working from home can be a stressful vacuum. There needs to be a concerted effort to really take what people are going through seriously, but also not let it completely bog you down. Check on your friends, and also be there for each other. We’re all going through something. I have been on calls this past week that have been comforting on both ends, and I am grateful to have friends that take the time to do so.
3. Tita’s hedonist days out. Good food, some type of shopping, and massages are what my sister, and my friend Anne do as hedonists. Yes we’re exciting as hell. Yes we move slowly like molasses. Yes we usually end up covered in massage oil and eating copious amounts of carbs and fat. This is our reward for the daily grind. And I’m glad to have established this tradition.
4. Consistency. I think the most difficult thing in life is consistency. Anyone can do bursts of effort. Anything new and exciting is easy to show up for. In a different vein, when things are bad, you do the work because you’re in dire straits. Consistency is hard as hell. Showing up for yourself regularly takes discipline. Showing up for others, takes a whole lot of heart. I appreciate my loved ones who are consistent, because I know how fucking hard it is to even get up in the morning sometimes. To cheer someone else on takes strength. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you to the people that do for me.
Songs of the week:
One Day I’ll Fly Away by Randy Crawford
Lonely by Imagine Dragons
Dirty Little Secret By All American Rejects