Status report: Hives more than usual, but sleeping a bit better. Zero work on self because my place has been gross. Hoping to do better.

Here are the bright spots:

1. My friend Anna. When I told her about my incredibly irresponsible emotional response to something this week, she showed up for me. I am deeply grateful for my friend, who always knows how to respond. She started planning things with me. She told me about limitations, and gave me real reasons to when she can do and not do things. She gets me. She is sometimes so similar to me, but in a much improved way and has her shit together. She is the first person to call me out on my shit but also the first one to listen when i cry when the shitty decisions lead me to hurt.

2. Safety. There was a super typhoon expected to hit us this weekend. It didn’t. I can’t say i’m not relieved the weather forecast overpredicted it.

3. Finally getting my shelves up and a full length mirror. I have had shelves on my floor for a year and have also wanted a mirror for ages. Now that they’re up, and I have a contact to get other things up, I am excited.

-J

Songs of the week:

You and I by SYML, Charlotte Lawrence

Lovely by Billie Eilish, Khalid

May I Have This Dance by Francis and the Lights, Chance the Rapper

Staus report: Daily hives and insomnia — I can’t quiet my brain a lot.

What made me happy this past week:

1. Getting to reconnect with a former colleague. My world is apparently quite small in my work life, and my life is mostly work. So when it’s a pleasant interaction that is out of the ordinary, I really enjoy it. I haven’t spoken to this person in five years, and I respect them and can only remember good inreractions with them. I’m grateful to have been able to catch up, even if it was a short one.

2. Rediscovering footage from the past 8 years. This week I found photos from the past 8 years, and it is such a timely reminder of how far I’ve come, and how many things I’ve had to go through. The journey has been littered with broken promises (mostly mine), bruised hearts (still me), and a lot of growth (in the waistline, still me). It has been a quiet adventure, but an adventure still the same.

3. Making new connections. Due to an unexpected twist in circumstances, I made a few new connections at work the past week,m. Also, in an unusual move for me, made plans irl with them. And while I was mostly out of it due to exhaustion, it was a good day. Sometimes you need to stretch, and I took a loooong one that proved quite helpful.

Songs of the week:

Love the Way You Lie by Rihanna and Eminem

(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

Let’s Go Home Together by Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan

-J

Status report: I seem to have managed blood pressure through medication, a better sleep schedule, and forcing myself to eat better. Allergies are still bad, and I have had more than normal evenings with insomnia. It’s like my body is gearing up for bad news. Let’s hope it’s wrong.

There are a few happy things I am deeply grateful for though this past week

1. Simple afternoon snackies. With my schedule being a lot more manageable, I am able to actually have some normalcy with the rest of my people and enjoy late afternoon snackies. Sure there are a lot more options fot temptation, but it’s also much more cost effective and homemade, versus fastfood takeout.

2. Calm down phone calls. Working from home can be a stressful vacuum. There needs to be a concerted effort to really take what people are going through seriously, but also not let it completely bog you down. Check on your friends, and also be there for each other. We’re all going through something. I have been on calls this past week that have been comforting on both ends, and I am grateful to have friends that take the time to do so.

3. Tita’s hedonist days out. Good food, some type of shopping, and massages are what my sister, and my friend Anne do as hedonists. Yes we’re exciting as hell. Yes we move slowly like molasses. Yes we usually end up covered in massage oil and eating copious amounts of carbs and fat. This is our reward for the daily grind. And I’m glad to have established this tradition.

4. Consistency. I think the most difficult thing in life is consistency. Anyone can do bursts of effort. Anything new and exciting is easy to show up for. In a different vein, when things are bad, you do the work because you’re in dire straits. Consistency is hard as hell. Showing up for yourself regularly takes discipline. Showing up for others, takes a whole lot of heart. I appreciate my loved ones who are consistent, because I know how fucking hard it is to even get up in the morning sometimes. To cheer someone else on takes strength. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you to the people that do for me.

Songs of the week:

One Day I’ll Fly Away by Randy Crawford

Lonely by Imagine Dragons

Dirty Little Secret By All American Rejects

Status report: Almost daily hives in the face. Daily bp monitoring 3x, 3 a day. Acidic as heck.

But those are all things I’m managing. Here comes the happy. Because life is too short to not enjoy things.

1. Getting spontaneous piercings. The first time we tried to do this was 2020, then 2021, missed it in 2022, and did two after trekking to Rizal for a wake. We never really set out to do it for the day, but that’s when it happens. I now have 5 piercings in one ear, and will make the other one match next year.

2. My group chat. It started because of a tragedy. We lost a friend we had in common and we were all grieving from afar. It is now my most consistent group chat. Which sounds a little sad for a person that thrives in consistency, but hey, this chat has saved my life more than once and I love every single person in it. Do I wish we had the friend instead of the chat? Every day. But I truly believe at some point we would’ve started one. With or without losing J.

3. Getting amazing food with fantastic friends that are a couple. I love third wheeling with them. I’ve known K since high school, and I’ve never seen her this happy. I consistently have phenomenal days when I’m around them. Every single time.

Songs that defined this time:

Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce

Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez

The Loneliest by Maneskin