Category: Jodythinks

Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

To the uncertainty of life

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Since March of 2020, I’ve repeated the same phrase over and over, usually when I’m trying to justify a choice that’s not smart, practical, or necessarily good.

LIFE IS SHORT. PEOPLE DIE ALL THE TIME.

It’s becoming more and more accurate the more time passes. We keep losing people right and left. There’s wars, genocides, famine, floods. It’s almost absurd how apocalyptic the weather has been, and the situation with the economy just seems to get more dire.

I am choosing to live in the moment. We don’t know who’ll get hit by a car tomorrow. Or turn up dead in a ditch somewhere. Or live after a devastating tumor, but be a shell of their former selves, existing but not really living.

I am very lucky. To be able to make these “insane” choices. My parents have provided for my education and housing, and have taught me to work for a living. I have not had to worry about affording my next meal or being able to pay rent.

So I am going after experiences. Life. However messy. Choosing to go where it takes me.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say outside of “I’m trying to live.” There are too many people who aren’t here that should be. Who we will never see again, and I’m not wasting more of my time.

And I will keep living as long as the universe will let me.

Jodythinks · Love/Life

Today I learned a lesson

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment
5 injection sites aka 5 wound entry points for rabies

Today the universe sent me a reminder. As I was walking back to my place, I saw some of the neighborhood cats. I proceeded to open a sachet of wet food I had in my pocket and offered it to the cats. As one of them was pregnant and we had not made friends before, it swatted at me and hissed very defensively. I walk away and realize 3 minutes later that I had started bleeding.

See I knew the answer, but I was, for about 30 minutes, in denial that I had to get shots. Antirabies, anti tetanus, etc. I delayed until friends had confirmed that I indeed needed to get this looked at. A shower, a drive, and an hour later, after a quick doctor look over and being swarmed by a high school at lunch, I had 8 shots in my system. Not the fun stuff, but 8 very painful injections. One on each arm, a skin test, an anti tetanus, and 5 on the, i didnt even think, bony parts of my hand. And this is one of four days I have to go in, pay for each session, and get more very painful injections to my being.

What did I learn? One, that “just trusting” that another being wouldn’t hurt me was careless and that I knew better, and two, that my choices have consequences. What an apt parallel to my personal life. Where I find myself going against my gut so often, and get hurt when my instincts are proven right.

I truly do not have any self preservation, and this was a piercing (get it? Jk) reminder that sometimes your brain makes sense and to listen. Even when your heart is trying to lie to you.

-J

What made me happy, September 25, 2023
Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Songs to listen to

What made me happy, September 25, 2023

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: MRI day. Trying not to have surgery, but I might need it.

What’s made me happy lately:

1. Chester’s 9th year with us. He has saved my life too many times to count. He has also cost me hundreds of thousands of pesos of damage, because he only chews expensive things. At least he has a sense of humor though. He’s become slow, his fur is less shiny, he’s lost weight, but he’s still my Chester. I can’t imagine a life without him. Here’s hoping I don’t have to find out soon.

2. Hotpot. Our family has a new favorite hotpot place, and I love to see it. We’re very routine people, and barely change our usual places to eat, especially if my dad is involved. A successful intro is almost miraculous because of how hard it is to pull off, but we did this past weekend.

3. Being back in my own space. I’m a little afraid of how much I like my own time, and my own space. Because of how fortunate I am with my work being remote and my family understanding what it means, anyone I see on a regular basis is someone I made an effort to be in the same space with. So when it goes awry, so does my mood. My buns and my friends who still show up may be sick of me, and I keep getting told I should go out more, but it’s so hard to do it. So I’m grateful I can take on Little Mermaid’s Ursula persona and just eat and complain in my own cave.

Songs of the week:

Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey

Somewhere Only We Know by Lily Allen

Losing Me by Gabrielle Aplin and JP Cooper

What made me happy, September 18, 2023
Jodythinks

What made me happy, September 18, 2023

Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Jetlagged and under the weather. Going hack to routine will take a second, but a welcome return.

What’s made me happy lately:

1. The opportunity to be away. I have been able to see my favorite cities on the other side of the world, and it was wonderful. A breather from all the grief. A way to refresh and reset. Even if it was a monumental hit to my wallet, it was worth it. There are memories I will keep with me for a lifetime, and a perspective that I rarely get from my cocoon of safety. I am eternally grateful for the happenstance of availability and ability. I have fallen in love with a place and my heart beats for the next time I can go back.

2. Fudge. I am a child. A child who will perish from sugar and butter consumption that is now on the uptick because of the most adorable old men making fudge in most cities I went to. Hello diabetes, bye bye edges.

3. Seeing Ophelia. From my senior year paper on her, to seeing her in the flesh, and being able to just stare solo, my life has reached a point. Ophelia by John Everett Millais depicts the character from Hamlet with the same name. She is haunting in her despair, her eyes have lost hope. I could hardly tear myself away.

Songs: Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles

Rocketman by Elton John

Wish You the Best by Lewis Capaldi

What’s made you happy lately? -J