Chester Buko 2014-2024

September 2, 2024 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

The calmest, most loving rabbit I have ever had, Chester peacefully passed in my arms Saturday night. He had a challenging last three months of his life, vet visits, liver disease, almost a month in total of confinement.

In the end, he gave it his all, and held on until he could, gave us time to say goodbye. He laid down his head and was gone.

He saw us through 10 years of good milestones, and broken hearts. He was our designer item authenticator. He was a vet favorite. He was the best bunny brother for all his bunny sisters. They have now welcomed him over the rainbow bridge, and he can run again. Eat all the basil and banana he can. Flop again.

Thank you Chester for everything, and when it’s my time I hope I’ll see you again. That I’ll deserve your company when I cross.

I love you my buko buks.

Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

To the uncertainty of life

May 10, 2024 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Since March of 2020, I’ve repeated the same phrase over and over, usually when I’m trying to justify a choice that’s not smart, practical, or necessarily good.

LIFE IS SHORT. PEOPLE DIE ALL THE TIME.

It’s becoming more and more accurate the more time passes. We keep losing people right and left. There’s wars, genocides, famine, floods. It’s almost absurd how apocalyptic the weather has been, and the situation with the economy just seems to get more dire.

I am choosing to live in the moment. We don’t know who’ll get hit by a car tomorrow. Or turn up dead in a ditch somewhere. Or live after a devastating tumor, but be a shell of their former selves, existing but not really living.

I am very lucky. To be able to make these “insane” choices. My parents have provided for my education and housing, and have taught me to work for a living. I have not had to worry about affording my next meal or being able to pay rent.

So I am going after experiences. Life. However messy. Choosing to go where it takes me.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say outside of “I’m trying to live.” There are too many people who aren’t here that should be. Who we will never see again, and I’m not wasting more of my time.

And I will keep living as long as the universe will let me.

Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

Here’s to never facing the cold alone

August 22, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy lately, July 20, 2023

July 20, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Hives and insomnia have been kicking my ass. Breathing deep, calming down are important especially since I don’t want to wreck my liver with all the meds. Also saw my ortho because my knee has been making me wince with every bend. It’s a process.

1. Being part of a Say Yes to the Dress moment. One of my friends of three(!) decades is getting married soon and asked if I wanted to hang when she tried on wedding dresses. Not having been a part of this process in years, i could not say yes faster, and even arrived earlier and made friends with the bridal shop owner. I love looking at pretty dresses. I love my friend. This was a core moment I’m keeping for our friendship. The food after wasn’t bad either. Filipino comfort food + pavlovas are awesome especially when it’s rainy.

2. Realizing how lucky I am to be working from home in an environment where people support me. Having driven a lot these past week, I had a glimpse of daily traffic, the lines, the difficulty of booking rides. As a person who’s worked from home since 2010 — I’ve not had to deal with having to go to an office full time and I know this is a privilege. I guess what I’m saying is I’m lucky.

3. Feeling accomplished about little things. The aforementioned driving, I drove further than I’ve had without being sure where I was going this past weekend. Being awful at directions, and having had been hit by a few people on the road, I always play it safe, but I took a risk that panned out this weekend. Able to drive and not get lost (more than twice okay) significantly seems like so little but mean a lot to my opportunities for adventure. I hated it. But I loved what it meant for me.

Songs of the week:

Lonely by Imagine Dragons

Sad Forever by Lauv

My Mind & Me by Selena Gomez

Stop This Train by John Mayer

food · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy, July 10, 2023

July 10, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: After being given a glowing once over on my 3 month checkup, a couple things have come up. One, that I had terrible acidity this week, extra keep me up at night episodes, and the other, I fear my knee has ripped fully. Tbd, but need to get answers because I can’t bend without wincing.

But there are bright spots that made me happy this past week:

1. Being able to do a sendoff with a friend of more than 11 years. A friend is packing up her whole family to go to Canada and start a new life. I’ve known her since forever, and even her kids and husband. While we didn’t see each other often enough (see, 3 kids and husband), when we do, it’s always falling into the same dynamic. I am so happy for her, and this is the end of an era, but I am glad that she’s carving out this new life in a new place. If anyone can do it, she can.

2. Moments with Chester. This year, my old man turns 9. That’s pretty dang old for rabbits. He looks it too, and is definitely less spry. But he still comes up to me for treats, or head rubs, and melts in enjoyment. I love him so much, much more than every single bedsheet, pillow and blanket I own and he chews.

3. The randomness of friendship. If you told me five years ago who my closest friends would be, I wouldn’t believe you. However, after reflection lately, I realize that a lot of the people I love — started off in the most random of ways. And I’m grateful for their sunshine. I go dark so often, and can really dig in deep, that just their being happy can make me feel better about my own struggles sometimes. In a world full of bastard covered people with bastard filling, this bastard is incredibly thankful about the bastards around her.

Songs of the week:

Heartbreaker by Mariah Carey feat Jay-Z

Hold Me Tight by Evan Rachel Wood (Across the Universe OST)

Maybe This Time by Liza Minelli (Cabaret OST)

What makes you happy?

-J

Cheese · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy, June 26th 2023

June 26, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Sugar is all out of whack, and is affecting so many different things. Losing sleep, breaking out in hives. It’s going to get better it’s just me.

My bright spots from the last week:

1. Acceptance. Late last week, I let go of clothes I had been holding on to for decades. I have accepted that because of everything working against me, my petite size blazers, xs skirts, and post college hoodies are long gone for me. It was half a day of humbling (but also cathartic) going through four 50L boxes, and half my childhood closet. I hope the folks mom chooses to give it to take it out to make their own memories, and feel great about themselves.

2. Getting back to Tita Sundays. Because of a few hiccups — it’s been a while since we’ve had our usual, but it was a really good one. More varied cuisine, definitely more in quantity than usual, and a much needed massage. Do I deserve it? I hope so. Did I flinch a little bit just burning through my wallet? Yeah. Still though, I realize how little my actual world is, and how little responsibility I actually hold, and it’s a luxury right now to even get good food or time away, and I’m making the most of it.

3. A (semi) wake up call. I hate when my gut is right sometimes, and my gut has been nagging at me for a bit now. It’s disheartening, but also gives me a time and space to think. To address where I may have lost my compass and realign it. I have been in limbo for far too long, hoping the sinking feeling in my stomach was just my overanxious mind. So I’m breathing deep. Letting go. Moving forward. It’s been a good run but good runs can’t last forever. I know this more than I can admit.

What made you happy lately? -J

Lost by Frank Ocean

Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations

Cheese · Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy as of week of May 15, 2023

May 15, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Only one hive breakout! But the whole week my brain wouldnt let me sleep. So much to think about, and I need to give myself some space and boundaries. Work in progress.

I had some bright spots. It was a rollercoaster of a week and there were a lot of things on my mind. Good things. Crazy things. Out of bound things. But mostly, good.

1. Having an aha moment with my (adopted) team. Sometimes it’s the big things, sometimes it the small things. This week, it felt like this small moment of collaboration was a good way to get things going. We can all learn from each other, and from what I’ve seen, every single person can contribute. This week, a simple scriptwriting session reminded me of the old days, in the best way. Here’s hoping that bit of momentum keeps us going.

2. Getting by with a little help from my friends. I am a very sentimental person, and I tell my friends all the time that I love them. I don’t know if they are aware of how much they keep me going. In my own quiet spaces, when I feel most alone, I hear them in my head, telling me to go on. When you’re in your head a lot like I am, that counts for so much. This week was definitely something I leaned a lot on them on, and I’m glad they could be here. If not physically, in spirit.

3. Seeing family. We live 3 hours away from cousins on both sides, and aunts and uncles have a lot on their plate. Being able to hang out in an unexpected manner or timing is a blessing. Sharing a meal, talking about random things. I’ve always wanted to move to my mom’s hometown. Maybe I will. Who knows?

Songs of the week:

SNAP by Rosa Linn

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects

With A Little Help from my Friends by Joe Cocker

-J

Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy lately, May 1, 2023 edition

May 2, 2023May 2, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status update: Insomnia and stress migraines are on the uptick and I haven’t been eating right. It’s a process.

I did have some good moments though:

1. Sharing some good cake with people 11000 miles away. My manager’s birthday needed cake. And because she was in office before the actual day, and it was the last one she had before going OOO, she had to share with the office. Ube cake is classic Filipino, and Goldilocks, one of the most solid chains out there. Birthdays should be celebrations because we’re grateful that this person was born. And hopefully good food is involved. Friends sent photos, and my heart definitely felt a bit more full after a rough day.

2. Daytrips to good places. “Will travel for food” is something we say often, and this Sunday, we drove almost 90 km to have lunch. It was awesome. Not the hangry way I had to park, but the payoff of amazingly simple food. And also being able to ses a friend we haven’t seen in YEARS was a fortuitous plus.

3. Finding new authors. This last week, I started reading Ellen Everett and Whitney Hanson’s poetry. This is also the photo in the post. I admittedly love poetry, but often can’t express it well on my own. The work in the photo is current state, and I am trying to unpack how it gets better. Maybe this time — just acknowledging it will work. For now.

Songs of the week:

I Don’t Know How I Survive by Death Cab for Cutie

All I Ask by Adele

San Francisco by The Mowgli’s

Work Song by Hozier

-J

Gratitude · Jodythinks · Love/Life · Thanks

What made me happy, April 17, 2023

April 17, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: Increasingly frequent hives situationhas me reaching for the antihistamine more often than i’d like to admit. Thankfully a few natural remedies shared by a friend are working. Insomnia is also being inconvenient, but hey maybe it’s more excitement to wake up than anything?

Happy bits of the week:

1. Surprises. I an a sucker for a good surprise, and I got a few for my birthday. I was dreading the birthday, I really was. A friend offered to make dinner for the group, but was met with silence and/or no’s. I get it, people have lives, and they have their own stuff to deal with, but people get tired too you know? So when another friend organized a dinner, I got surprise flowers, congee and a cookbook, AND had a really fun day that I wasn’t expecting, it really made me grateful. For people who just show up. Even with their own shit in play. Because as mych as I hate to admit it, I do love birthdays. Maybe it’s the middle child thing. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t want to think about that right now. But suffice to say, the people that showed up, if you’re reading this, thank you. You made an anticipatedly shitty day, much less shitty.

2. Laughing way too much at silly things. When I hang out with friends from kindergarten, I have a tendency to behave a lot more towards that age than my current. The short attention span, the lame jokes, the laughing on the side (oh wait, that’s kind of me 24/7). I love hanging out with these girls i’ve known forever, knowing I don’t need to do anything or be anything outside of the person who they saw grow up from 5 years old to present. And we laugh a lot. Like a lot. And that makes me happy.

3. A zero fs friendship. In a world full of people trying to preserve an image, or be overly polite, or just plain uncomfortable, I am grateful to have a friend that is completely no filter. Any question answered. All curiosities explained. It helps me learn a lot — and I’m naturally curious about everything. Especially when people come from a different perspective. I feel like I learn something new on a regular basis. And that makes me feel a bit more engaged in a very isolated environment. And i’ll forever be grateful for the weirdness.

-J

Songs of the week:

Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift

Snap by Rosa Linn

Love Lockdown by Kanye West

Sad Forever by Lauv

Modern Loneliness by Lauv

Gratitude · Love/Life · Songs to listen to · Thanks

Things that made me happy lately, March 8, 2023

March 9, 2023 Jody AlarvaLeave a comment

Status report: BP so high I was a stroke risk, daily hives, migraine immediately at hour 13 of no caffeine. However! Gave up coca cola and baked desserts for Lent. Wish me luck.

Because of the ~fragility~ of life and me feeling every single one of my 36 years on earth lately, I will be putting more emphasis on the little things that make me happy. Because life is too fucking short not to.

Happy things since I last documented:

1. Isabel’s Meal plans. Planning food for one is tough. I make things for a minimum of 5 people. Groceries are expensive as hell right now. I have zero prep time because of everything else that needs fixing. I have done meal deliveries in different shapes and forms, and my favorites so far are Isabel’s, and also The Six Pack Chef. I am not dieting per se. I am rewiring my tendency to go for the fastest, greasiest thing (I love Jin Ramen’s mild with egg, sesame oil, and some milk in it) to something more nutritious on a regular basis. I actually think it’s working because I need muc less salt in things, and look for the leaf crunch a lot. It’s not cheap, but it’s cheaper than lipo (joking. For now.)

2. Mango season. The Philippine mango, in all bias, is amazing. I would eat it everyday if it wasn’t so expensive. While it grows the whole year, it’s in season the first quarter, which means more consistent sweetness, cheaper. It’s also Indian mango season and our tree produces the sweetest ones I’ve had. I literally can make it into shakes if I wanted to.

3. Getting things done. It’s been rough trying to get all these adult requirements (government registrations, payments and the like) the past few weeks, but it’s slowly getting done. Can it be easier? F yes. Will it? We’ll see. But for now, the dopamine hit of checking something off the list will have to do. Slow and steady. One thing at a frigging time.

Songs that defined this time:

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours by Stevie Wonder

Found a Reason by Smle

This is How I Learn How to Say No by Emeline

What made you happy lately? -J