Category: Love/Life
It could happen any time
We love you Okr.
Our crotch sniffing girl with the best smile went off into the rainbow bridge this Wednesday, August 9, 2023.
This old bun
To closed chapters and enduring friendships.
What made me happy lately, July 20, 2023
Status report: Hives and insomnia have been kicking my ass. Breathing deep, calming down are important especially since I don’t want to wreck my liver with all the meds. Also saw my ortho because my knee has been making me wince with every bend. It’s a process.
1. Being part of a Say Yes to the Dress moment. One of my friends of three(!) decades is getting married soon and asked if I wanted to hang when she tried on wedding dresses. Not having been a part of this process in years, i could not say yes faster, and even arrived earlier and made friends with the bridal shop owner. I love looking at pretty dresses. I love my friend. This was a core moment I’m keeping for our friendship. The food after wasn’t bad either. Filipino comfort food + pavlovas are awesome especially when it’s rainy.
2. Realizing how lucky I am to be working from home in an environment where people support me. Having driven a lot these past week, I had a glimpse of daily traffic, the lines, the difficulty of booking rides. As a person who’s worked from home since 2010 — I’ve not had to deal with having to go to an office full time and I know this is a privilege. I guess what I’m saying is I’m lucky.
3. Feeling accomplished about little things. The aforementioned driving, I drove further than I’ve had without being sure where I was going this past weekend. Being awful at directions, and having had been hit by a few people on the road, I always play it safe, but I took a risk that panned out this weekend. Able to drive and not get lost (more than twice okay) significantly seems like so little but mean a lot to my opportunities for adventure. I hated it. But I loved what it meant for me.
Songs of the week:
Lonely by Imagine Dragons
Sad Forever by Lauv
My Mind & Me by Selena Gomez
Stop This Train by John Mayer
What made me happy, July 10, 2023
Status report: After being given a glowing once over on my 3 month checkup, a couple things have come up. One, that I had terrible acidity this week, extra keep me up at night episodes, and the other, I fear my knee has ripped fully. Tbd, but need to get answers because I can’t bend without wincing.
But there are bright spots that made me happy this past week:
1. Being able to do a sendoff with a friend of more than 11 years. A friend is packing up her whole family to go to Canada and start a new life. I’ve known her since forever, and even her kids and husband. While we didn’t see each other often enough (see, 3 kids and husband), when we do, it’s always falling into the same dynamic. I am so happy for her, and this is the end of an era, but I am glad that she’s carving out this new life in a new place. If anyone can do it, she can.
2. Moments with Chester. This year, my old man turns 9. That’s pretty dang old for rabbits. He looks it too, and is definitely less spry. But he still comes up to me for treats, or head rubs, and melts in enjoyment. I love him so much, much more than every single bedsheet, pillow and blanket I own and he chews.
3. The randomness of friendship. If you told me five years ago who my closest friends would be, I wouldn’t believe you. However, after reflection lately, I realize that a lot of the people I love — started off in the most random of ways. And I’m grateful for their sunshine. I go dark so often, and can really dig in deep, that just their being happy can make me feel better about my own struggles sometimes. In a world full of bastard covered people with bastard filling, this bastard is incredibly thankful about the bastards around her.
Songs of the week:
Heartbreaker by Mariah Carey feat Jay-Z
Hold Me Tight by Evan Rachel Wood (Across the Universe OST)
Maybe This Time by Liza Minelli (Cabaret OST)
What makes you happy?
-J
What made me happy, July 3, 2023
Status report: Gut bothered me all week. Found out why on Friday. Thanks for nothing gut. Need more sleep but brain is also annoying. Things we do to live eh?
But there are bright points that I want to remember.
1. Noodles that turned out great. I had to refill my black vinegar because i am now half plant based dumpling, and with that I saw wide cut noodles and an amazing recipe to make with them. I may be a little obsessed, but also concerned about the amount of soy sauce I keep consuming. Simple food in a bowl. Comforting as hell.
2. Thrift store finds. I love them. It’s so satisfying to find something you know you’ll love for years in them, especially when they cost about 10% of what they would cost in regular shops. Pre-pandemic, outside of undies and specialty clothing, my closet was 90% thrift store finds. We’ve been going since post college, and this actually saved me from going into the office and getting stuck overnight when Ondoy struck. We have a few we always hit, and they’re always nice over there.
3. Cleaning out a closet worth of stuff. In tandem with buying clothes is making space. I cleaned out 3 70L boxes of old clothes that I held on to, in the hope of getting back to the weight, or the style beginning to make sense. I hope the clothes make their way to people that will make good memories with them, and make them happy. I know I did.
What made you happy this week?
Songs of the week:
That Thing You Do! by Billie Joe Armstrong
Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo
From the Start by Laufey
Happy Bourdain Day
Anthony Bourdain would have been 67, June 26th of 2023. The demons won and we lost him to them in 2018. Truly befitting that going in that day, I made one of his favorite things: roasted bone marrow. To continue the truly hedonistic celebration, spent a day with friends eating our way through Thai, Vietnamese, Spanish, Mexican and Chinese food, plus two oyster trays, and ended it with massages.
The man lived. He really did. He found the highest of highs, and faced really intense lows. But he loved. He loved so many people. He wrote about humanity so well. He was the narrator we never thought we needed, and we are all the more empty now that he’s gone.
His passion was undeniable, and he was flawed as hell. He took everything to heart and it broke him in the end. I hope he’s found peace where he is.
I will end this with writing that is better than mine, because it was his.
“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks — on your body or on your heart — are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”
What made me happy, June 26th 2023
Status report: Sugar is all out of whack, and is affecting so many different things. Losing sleep, breaking out in hives. It’s going to get better it’s just me.
My bright spots from the last week:
1. Acceptance. Late last week, I let go of clothes I had been holding on to for decades. I have accepted that because of everything working against me, my petite size blazers, xs skirts, and post college hoodies are long gone for me. It was half a day of humbling (but also cathartic) going through four 50L boxes, and half my childhood closet. I hope the folks mom chooses to give it to take it out to make their own memories, and feel great about themselves.
2. Getting back to Tita Sundays. Because of a few hiccups — it’s been a while since we’ve had our usual, but it was a really good one. More varied cuisine, definitely more in quantity than usual, and a much needed massage. Do I deserve it? I hope so. Did I flinch a little bit just burning through my wallet? Yeah. Still though, I realize how little my actual world is, and how little responsibility I actually hold, and it’s a luxury right now to even get good food or time away, and I’m making the most of it.
3. A (semi) wake up call. I hate when my gut is right sometimes, and my gut has been nagging at me for a bit now. It’s disheartening, but also gives me a time and space to think. To address where I may have lost my compass and realign it. I have been in limbo for far too long, hoping the sinking feeling in my stomach was just my overanxious mind. So I’m breathing deep. Letting go. Moving forward. It’s been a good run but good runs can’t last forever. I know this more than I can admit.
What made you happy lately? -J
Lost by Frank Ocean
Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations