I can’t agree more.
Category: Work
Status report, March 10th, 2023
A new low. In the days of hives, asthma, migraines and incredibly painful acidity, was hypertension. In a routine checkup to see where my prediabetes was progressing, we discovered that I had enough high blood pressure that I was a stroke risk.
Two rounds of medication, a stay of an extra 2 hours at the doctor, and I went home with 3 new medications and a scared family.
So this is a sad wake up call. That I need to take my health seriously. That there is more at stake here than balancing my caffeine with my melatonin. Here’s to the next 30 days of taking my blood pressure 3x, 3 times a day. To exercising more regularly and eating better. Wish me luck.
Life is short, week 37 of 52
Status update: Hives but no asthma. So better? Fatigued as heck all the time, and need to carve time out to row.
I know I’m missing weeks and should clean up but I have zero desire to do that right now.
Short moments of the week:
1. Overspending at the grocery store. So I may have bought enough for a cheese plate for 6, and have not started, and randomly a Kewpie smoke mayo that I put on all the fried things, and thinned out my wallet considerably, but it’s great. With all the things going on — I can barely enjoy making a meal, let alone make one. When I do have time I will enjoy it. And I will find peoples to feed.
2. Chester, after 8 years, coming up when I call his name. He really must be bored. It’s SO CUTE though.
3. Turning an emotionally loaded change to something promising. It has not been without challenges — and let me tell you, I’ve been SO UNPROFESSIONAL, but blame it on insomnia and nerves. You never know how far you can go without being tested, and I hope this is a good thing eventually.
Song of the week: Feel So Good by Mase
-J
Life is short, week 34 of 52
Status update: Two days of incredibly uncomfortable hearburn had me on my knees. Had me trying to figure out if giving up my start of work coffee and eventual caffeine withdrawal migraines is a bigger pain in the butt. Isn’t growing up awful?
Moments of the week:
1. Spontaneous outings that actually happen. Sunday Korean barbecue decided on 3 hours before and it actually happened. A great meal, then hanging out a friend’s place, then spontaneous massage appointments. Nothing like a super chill semi social day with people that have no expectations of who I can be besides myself. And laughing our asses off the whole time.
2. Chester’s 8th gotcha day. I have had more time with Chester than a lot of people that have come and go. It terrifies me how much of an old bun he is sometimes, but I am cherishing every second. He’s my emotional support animal, and I hope I am his. If that sounds sad, well, I just have to be okay with that.
3. Baseline setting with myself. Over and over, people keep showing me who they really are, and I want to start believing them. I am, at 36 years old, still using these filters of what I want people to be, not who they actually are. Even if they repeatedly reveal the opposite. If I want to survive this, I have to remember to just accept it.
Song of the week: Always on Time by Ashanti and Ja Rule
-J
Life is short, week 33 of 52
Status report: Finished my nebules, and I don’t know if I’m hallucinating the cigarette smoke going into the vents.
Life moments of the week:
1. Chester being back at the vet, diagnosed with stress. I get it Chester, I miss her too. So much so this week, when I realized how much you follow me around now. She was such a big personality, and she loved on both of us so well, that we’re both feeling the hole she left. It’ll get better, I promise.
2. A wake up call. There’s nothing like a jarring realization to reset you. This past week, I got a punch in the gut of sorts and had to walk away for a minute. It was frankly, demeaning, but also, a good way to pull me back to earth. You never really know until it gets called out — how much your efforts mean to people. Two years ago, this would have prompted a lot of emotional reactions. Now it’s more reason to find meaning in not just one part of my life. Including evaluating where I am and where I need to be. Maybe I’m learning to be more mature. Or maybe I already know where I need to get to.
3. Being able to sing again. I have been literally coughing for a month. So much so if I have more than 30 minutes of conversation, I lose my voice. So I haven’t been singing. Not even speaking when I don’t have to. It’s being managed by really good asthma medication (And overtesting against covid) and now I can sing again. And I have been hitting musicals. Lea, Idina, Kristin
Song of the week: This is Me by Kaela Settle
-J
Life is short, week 32 of 52
Status update: Once a week nebulizing, but an almost everyday relationship with my inhaler. Only one migraine for the week which is a win — but also upping my caffeine intake by a lot with yakult jasmine iced teas. Eh. We do what we can.
Moments of the week:
1. New routines with Cheester. He has been extra clingy with Chibi being gone and has been “going to work” and then “heading back” every day. We may have overdone it with the treats but we live, we learn.
2. Timing. Cheester had mild stasis on a Friday — but also Doc Ferds, our favorite vet was in town out of schedule. I am thoroughly grateful for timing for this instance. We might not have saved our Chibi, but she is saving her Chester(is what I’d like to think.).
3. Time to breathe a bit. I have been running ragged learning new things and making sure we’re able to deliver. It’s challenging, and it’s overwhelming and incredibly stressful, but at the end, we’re growing. The after work moments of being able to laugh at the last season of Brooklyn 99, and restocking the fridge with 3 kinds of ice cream are what gets me through.
4. Dinner/lunch with a couple of friends. Yes I usually just want to sit and listen at the end of my workdays these days. But seeing friends — even if I don’t contribute as much to conversation, is a blessing. Just laughing about silly things. Eating too much. Smelling like Korean barbecue even after two showers. All worth it.
Song of the week: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2
-j
Life is short, week 7 of 52
Status report: 4 out of 7 days of migraines, 3 of 7 in hives. It’s all about balance folks.
Things to note:
1. Taking a day off for a rebalancing. Instead of the responsible thing and diving straight into my 2021 tax stuff like I should, I took the day off and did some fun things. Had too much fun belly laughing at a playground. Had too much sashimi and steak. Laughed too hard looking at cars. Sometimes too much can be good too.
2. Spending a bit too much grocery shopping. Food costs are insane right now — but also a safer way to destress after a long day. I spent way too much on groceries in a span of seven days — but I am now very happy about my stocked pantry and can cook for a change. Ready to over prepare food because I can’t live in a house that isn’t overflowing with food.
3. Learning more about what I can do. I reached a couple limits this week while doing projects — and it was a reality check. I want to focus on being less dependent on others for data so I can make recommendations with full confidence, and spreadsheets are still my achilles heel. I can’t fumble on things every time — so I am really going to sit down and work on this for myself.
Song of the week: Let’s Fall in Love for the Night by Finneas
-J
What I’m grateful for, week 46 of 52
Coming together in the face of loss. We lost a friend, a colleague, an all around bright light November 14th. While it doesn’t make up for what was lost, there is some comfort in knowing everyone else is there. We’ll all miss him, and grief is unpredictable, but like the Beatles said, “We get by with the help of our friends”
Song of the week: Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
What are you grateful for?
Tell your loved ones that you love them today.
-j
What I’m grateful for, week 24 of 52
I feel like this week has been filled with things I’m extra grateful for, that I’m a little nervous of what the blowback is for this week. I also will remember to take this week to week to week.
Song of the week: Lost Cause by Billie Eilish
1. A long weekend. I had a ton of grownup errands I had to run this week that can’t wait and I was able to accomplish all the things on my list without dying at my first day of work.
2. A batch of my favorite Filipino food, kare kare. It is such a pain to make and takes so long so I never make it. It’s also hard to find the version we have at home since we use tripe (which, fyi, I love) instead of oxtail.
3. Speaking of tripe, a friend sent over a batch of her specialty callos. I had to eat it immediately. It lasted like 12 hours (aka when I got up and told the family I was gonna finish it).
4. Another friend even sent over a surprise loaf of homemade sourdough bread and a batch of tomato soup. (How lucky am I?!)
5. I also got to catch up with one of my favorite people at work. Being extremely busy and having a ton of things on their plate makes it hard for them to just have a conversation, but we had a really significant one.
What are you grateful for this week?
What I’m grateful for, week 22 of 52
1. Small wins. Like this Thursday’s end of day dinner of tacos and ice cream. I did not deserve it because I have not earned it workout wise, but boy did it feel great after a long day.
2. Good people. We had five new folks start with our team this week, and it was fantastic to confirm that they were good folks and really fit the team, culture and brains wise.
3. The Roadrunner trailer coming out. With his third death anniversary being today, him being everywhere just feels like a healthy way to celebrate his life. I can’t wait for it, and will also need a ton of ice cream to get through it.
4. A productive weekend. Picking up Cheester’s meds. Seeing our cousin that we haven’t seen in more than a year. Doing a little bit of retail therapy. Moments that matter a lot.
Song of the week: The Future by San Holo
What are you grateful for?